1.The Nicknames
My favourite character was always ‘The Freak’ Joan Ferguson, the villain on which the show revolved. You knew it was going to kick off when she whipped out her black leather glove and pulled the I’m-going-to-shove-this-up-your-bottom face that we’ve all recognised on someone at some point.
‘Top Dog’ was the nickname adopted by the
leader of the women inside, with the emphasis rather unkindly being on the
latter half of the moniker.
But none of these come close to competing
with ‘Vinegar Tits’ which is a shoe-in as name for my new all-girl punk
band.
2.The Scenery
So what if when the cell slams shut the
doors shake like a Parkinson’s seminar on the San Andreas Fault? Who cares if
the walls are more transparent than a tramp asking for change to ‘get the bus
home’?
If you can use your imagination, none of
this matters and you can concentrate on the storylines (which are thinner than the walls) and the theatricals on show.
3.The Acting
People say the acting is bad but I
disagree. It does have moments that make Hollyoakes look like Apocalypse
Now but that's all part of the charm.
The show wouldn’t have worked if every
scene with Lizzie Birdsworth was an expert clinic in method acting.
I love the fact that half the cast come
across like they’ve been given the job just because they turned up.
4.The Actors
Three decades ago there were only 7 actors
from Australia, and one of them was Russell Crowe and he’s from New Zealand. So
early 80’s Prisoner is a who’s who of classic Aussie soap turns.
You get used to it after a while. Susan
Kennedy from Neighbours looking quite fit, Celia from Home and Away as Vinegar
Tits.
But when Summer Bay’s original ‘Flaming
Gala’ himself, Alf Stewart rocked up as the evil prison governor wearing a pair
of Ray Charles’ finest gigs and chomping on a stogie, I nearly shat the couch.
5.The Knowing Wink
I’m sure when they were filming the first
series they thought they were making The Wire, but just like Skynet in the
Terminator films, the show grew to be self aware. It knew exactly what it was.
When I was 17 I went to see ‘Prisoner Cell
Block H: The Musical’ starring Lilly Savage. More importantly, the original
‘Freak’ was one of the leads which told the story of jet-setting Lilly getting
falsely fingered (never fun) for smuggling heroin into the country and put on
remand at Wentworth. Cue a bunch of show tunes about leather gloves, a bizarre
narrative and a total lampooning of the original show.
But just like The Freak’s famous body
cavity searches, it was done with love.
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